Reflections

It is funny how life is sometimes. You are sitting there thinking how crummy things are when something happens that makes you reflect upon just how lucky you really are. That your problems are actually very minute compared to others.

This week my daughter had a little piece of her innocence ripped away from her. I was driving to the nursing home to have a meeting with the nursing home staff about Billy's mom's care and received a call from her assistant principle. I was shocked to be getting a call like this especially since Emily was home sick from school. She was calling because there was an "issue causing some change in her class" I was sure that I would be told that one of her classmates had been diagnosed with the Swine Flu. We had to keep a close eye on all of our kids. Plain and simple, but I was wrong. I was shocked when the Asst. Principle continued with her call. There had been a shooting at a church in Fuquay that morning and one person had been killed and another wounded- condition unknown. How does this affect Emily's class I thought. I then learned that a classmate of hers had lost her mother in that shooting. That classmate, a 7 year old second grader along with their fourth grade sibling had witnessed their mother being gunned down with their own eyes. While being dropped off at before school care their mother's boyfriend had confronted her, they argued and he shot her and then shot himself in the chest. This innocent child had seen something as horrific as this and would now be without a mother for the rest of her life. I was shocked and didn't know what to say. I could not be told who the student was for their privacy, Emily would find out when she returned to school. I hung up and tried to figure out a way to tell my child that not only do things like this happen in this horrible world, but they can happen to those that we know. They brought in counselors from other area schools to counsel the two classes in the school that the children attended. They had support staff in the classes for the rest of the week. But how much support is enough? How can you explain such a horrible and senseless act to such a pure and innocent mind. Kids watch the news and see horrible things daily, but to have it drop on your front step is a completely new ballgame. I was personally glad Emily was not at school that day. I got to explain it to her. I was the one to tell my daughter that one of her friend's mother had been murdered and she saw it happen.

She was two years younger than me. A mother of three- her youngest only three years old, a school bus driver for the local high school. She was in the prime of her life and she had it taken away from her, by a sick man, who will live, and has been charged with first degree murder. He will live to see another sunrise, another sunset- how do you explain that to a child? Emily sat in the back seat and cried. She cried for a friend whose name she had yet to learn , cried for all those who had lost a loved one that day, cried from the thought that these things could be so close to us, and cried because she still had a mommy.

I spoke with two of her classmates mom's that night to see how they were handling things. We all were unsure of what to say to our children. I was once again happy that Emily learned from me. Apparently things were crazy at school. Being that the victim was a school bus driver, all the drivers were talking on the radios that morning. The kids being kids overheard and talked about it....we all know how that goes. By the time the buses arrives at the school things were really crazy. A child's mind works in crazy ways and it is amazing how one thing can lead to another and then suddenly is blown out or proportion. One mom whom I have known for three years has a daughter in both the classes affected by the tragedy. Her daughters ride the bus and listened to all the chatter. Her older daughter, a ten year old, sat there and listened to all this and by the time she arrived at school was a wreck. Apparently her parents had argued the night before, as we all do, all the kids are talking about the shooting and an argument , their parents arguing and divorcing. She was crying with a counselor when her mom got the call. She was worried that since her parents had argued the night before they would either -a. get a divorce like the little boy on the bus, or b. Since her dad is in law enforcement and there are firearms in the house ......well I am sure you know what she was thinking. I thought I had a lot to explain and deal with. Since my child was at home sick and doesn't ride the bus we escaped all the confusion and misinformation that the kids created amongst themselves that morning. I was glad that Emily had not been there for that and suffered even more confusion. We are still dealing with questions as I am sure we will for sometime. I will continue to answer them to the best of my ability. I will try to support my child and all the other children as best I can.. It is all I can do.

This last week has caused me to be grateful for so many things. I have things that aren't perfect in my life and they may get me down at times. We all have these things and we have days that they bother us more than others. But I am blessed. I have a wonderful life that I am still living. I have a husband that I love and that I have a healthy argument with on occasion. I have three beautiful children that I get to kiss goodnight each and every night. I have a family that supports me in all I do even if they don't agree with me. I will get to see another Thanksgiving, another Christmas, a next birthday, an off key school performance ,my daughter's next report card, my youngest child's first day of school. I will get to see many many more sunsets. For that I am grateful.